The Blabberwocky

Blind Io · Blab Admin Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 954

Some of these are pretty funny... Laughing

Michael Owen: "Sorry, I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. If you are Alan Shearer, please stop phoning me and leave me alone"

David James: "I'm not available right now so please leave <CLUNK>...damn, just dropped the phone..."

Wayne Rooney: "I'm at me gran's right now, leave a message I'll get back to you in 3 minutes"

Roy Keane - "Roy is currently eating a Prawn Sandwich, please leave a message after the tone"

Harry Kewell - "Harry was on his way to the phone but has broken down after getting up out of his seat"

Lee Bowyer - "F*** off I'm at the kebab house"

Sven G.E - "Hello Nancy, I forgot to set my Alam clock"

Rio Ferdinand "Hello it's errrr....Oh yeh R..R...Rio what ..Forgot to oh errrmmm !"

Graeme Souness: "I'm not in at the moment, Freddie. Please call back at the end of the season and stop blocking the line. If it's Michael Owen, give two rings and hang up. I'll call straight back."

Gerard Houllier: "I'm not in at the moment. Please leave an excuse after the tone."

Sir Alex Ferguson: "I can't hear this call, because I'm wearing a grey shirt. Please leave 3 European Cups after the tone."

David Moeyes: "I'm not in the Champions League at the moment. Please leave me some hope."

David Beckham: " Victoria i cant get this cd player tto work"

Arsene Wenger - "The phone may have rung but I was too far away to notice the incident. Veuillez laisser un message après la tonalité"

Rick Parry "If that's Micheal Owen please leave a message after the 'toon"

Mick McCarthy "Mick can't get to the phone at the moment he's stuck to the bottom of the table"

Sam Allardyce: Only leave a message if you have played for a top European side, or are over 30 years old.

Maradona: I'm on another line at the moment

Peter Kenyon: If your a player I've illegally tapped up please call back don't leave a message as it may be used against me.

Gerard Houllier: Sorry I can't get to the phone right now as I've just turned the corner

Ruud van Nistelrooy: "I can't talk right now, my voice is a bit hoarse"

Steven Gerrard: "Please leave a message if you want. You don't have to if you don't want to. OK, then you can...

Morientes: If you stay on the line ,I'll be there in a minute.

Jose Mourinho - 'You have rang the number of The Special One. Who are you? Are you important enough to speak to me? If not, how dare you call me, ring off immediately, do not waste my time which is precious. If you're Mr Abramovich, I will call you back at once. If you're Didier Drogba, go and.........' (tape runs out).

owen. Hi you have reached Michael from wednesday my new number will be 0151 222-4444, no sorry thats 0191 222-4444, no wait a minute it was 0151-222-4444, or maybe it is 0191 222-4444...damn 0151 or 0191...what was it now?

Brain Barwick, Chief Executive of the FA:
"You have reached the FA. If you would like to sell a sex story about Sven Goran Eriksson then press 1. If you are looking for a drop as a secretary then press 2 confiming you are not a cheap slapper. If you are wishing to make an allegation against Jose Mourinho then press 3; you will be added to the 6 month waiting list."

Pellegrino: Sorry I can't get to the phone right now I'm at the other side of the room

Roman Abramovich: "Thank you for calling. Calls will be charged at £10 p/m..."

Everton FC European Ticketline: "You have dialled an incorrect number. Please hang up and try again."

Mourinhio. Hi I can't make it to the phone right now, but if you are a really good player who is discontented with your wages at your current club, er why don't you accidentally go a have a coffee at le plaza on wednesday at about 3pm. The third table from the back I hear is nicest, oh and please wear a mask.

Michael Owen: sorry i can't come to the phone right now please leave a message and i'll get beck to you in January unless your Newcastle Utd.

Graeme Souness: can't come to the phone leave a message and i'll get back to you when i've found a new striker or a new job.

David Beckham: "I can't come to the phone right now, I'm in the Loos at the moment"

Wayne Rooney: "Yes, a f****** message!"

Louis Saha: "Please hold. You are our fourth choice caller."

Ronaldo: "If you would like to skip the recorded message, please press 2."

Jonathan Woodgate: "Please leave a message after the ... ow!! Oh ****, there goes me hamstring!"

Lampard: Can't come to the phone right now I am eating now and will be later.

"Hello you've reached the home of Luis Garcia. If you are a Chelsea fan still sore about the Champions League Semi-Final then your line may be crossed again."

Rooney: Im in the middle of having plastic surgery because alan smith keeps calling me shrek.

Kevin Keegan: "I would love it, just love it...if you left me a message"

Lee Hughes: i'm not at home right now please leave ur name and number and i'll get back to you in a couple of years or you can call HMP Winson Green and ask for Cell Block C cell no.27

Vinnie Jones: I'm not 'kin here at the 'kin moment please leave your'kin name after the B****** tone or i'll squeeze your balls.

Lee Sharpe: I'm on the motorway at the moment well under a bridge on the motoray leave your name and number and i'll get back to you... if thats you Abi i never loved her really its you i want.

Arsene Wenger: "Sorry,I can´t pick up ze phone now, i´m just attending English lessons"
Thierry Henry: "Same as Arsene"

John Terry:"No way, Jose, you can call all you want, I'm not going back to Anfield, ESPECIALLY for a Champions League match. You'll have to pick Gallas. Boo hoo!"

Rafa : If you are english player f*** off, if spanish please kindly leave your message

SVEN: If this is DAVID JAMES im fleeing the country thank you

David Beckham- "You know, like, I'm just really happy that you're ringing, like, you know, and hopefully you can ring again tomorrow, like, and you can leave a message after the tone like..."

Tim Howard - "Hello this is Tim f*** s***, I cannot come to the phone right now because fu** b****d k***because I am recieving treatment for my terret syndrome problem f*****g b*****ks leave a message and i will get back to you f***"

David O'Leary;Well, obviously, I'm not allowed to answer the phone just now. It seems other managers can get away with it, but I've been fined by the FA so I'm sorry, but I won't be taking any more calls.

Souness - you have reached my work phone, its not in use anymore, please call the home phone.

David James - sorry i Missed the call please leave a message after the beep.

Abramovich - sorry i am not here, press 1) if i have previously stolen money from you in the past2)if your looking to sue me 3) if its mourinho desiring a bigger transfer budget

man city - 'we're a massive massive club, a big huge massive club so leave a message after the beep'

Alan Hansen: "This is an unbelievably bad time of day to call me. Absolutely shocking"

chelsea club - 1) if your an overated player looking for a benchjob 2) if your a player at the club looking to place complaints against mourinho

wenger - please leave a message, honestly i didnt hear it ring, i wasnt there, it never happened.

mourinho - you have reached god please leave a message

owen-"sorry i cannot take this call at the moment i have a couple of scouse lads outside my house begging me to join loserpool"

Arsene Wenger - Hello. I can not talk right now I am pretending to sign somebody.

Rafa: Don't tell me that I need another f*****g striker. I already have 5 strikers. However if you want to recommend me any spanish strikers, please kindly leave a message

Cristiano Ronaldo: I was on me way to the phone when i went down like a sack of spuds as i gently brushed past the settee.

Ryan Giggs: Hi you have reached Ryan Gi.. (twang) shit! me hamstrings gone again

Rafa : If you are Owen, f*** off, I don't want you, if you are a novice spanish striker, please leave a message

beckham - someone please tell me how to leave a message..

Hello you have reached the message service for Real Madrid.

If you are looking for the fake Madrid please hold for the operator and ask for Stamford Bridge.

Robert Pires: "sorry, i can´t pick up rite now. i´m in my garden teaching the younger lads how to dive properly!"

Henry - va va beep

ronaldinho: Beep: if this is the dentist u have called the wrong number.

david james - S%^T.... i wasn't prepared for that call

Milan Barros: "I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, because Peter Crouch is using it"

Pires: "Hello there, I am in the middle of collecting my gold medal in diving, I'll ring back later."

Roy Keane: Ye'd like to leave a message wouldn't ye dirty f!!!. I'd f!!!!n kill ye, ye....... Put it back in the f!!!!n freezer ye stupid c!!! You were a f!!!in mistake ye b!!!!. Leave a f!!!!n message. I have ta kick the s*** outta me f!!!!n kids.

cisse - sorry im getting my hair cut ill be back later

Roy Carroll - If thats you Pedro? You might have a crossed line?

Rio Ferdinand: I uhh..... ummm... I......................I ummm....I forgot

David Beckham: sorry for not picking up the phone, i´m very busy at the moment. had to skip training today you know, to go on a shopping spree with victoria.

Souness: Please leave a striker after the tone.

Christiano Ronaldo: "Sorry i cant get to the phone as i keep falling over before i get there!"

Ruud Van N: Sorry i can't come to the phone, i'm setting a tent out on the goal line.

Sir Alex F: Sorry i can't answer the phone i'm getting a face lift.

Alex Ferguson: "Sorry, I can't get to the phone right now. I would have made it, but I wasn't given enough extra time."

Arsene Wenger " I can't get to the phone as I am making some nice home made pea soup. If that is Pizza Express the delivery address is Old Trafford Manchester"

Becks: Please leave a lucrative sponsorship deal after the bleeping thingy (followed by 15 minutes of the Beckhams home life before the tape runs out!)

David Beckham:"Is it turned on?"

Arsene Wenger: "This call must be a conspiracy! I refuse to answer it"

Sven: " If that's you phil neville then the answer is yes! You are in my squad"

"Hi, you are through to David Moyes. I'm afraid I didn't qualify to answer the phone, so please leave a message after the tone.

gary neville: if thats you phil don't call me again i can't believe you' ve left me on my own first david and now you. I so lonley....

Arsene Wenger: I can't come to the phone now, not my fault or my players fault. Sorry, because of Chelsea and man-U I cannot afford to speak with you now...Please press 2 for French.

Morientes - Please leave a message as I probably wont be able to find the phone to answer your call, I cant seem to find anything at the moment, the ball, the back of the net .............

Senderos: "Sorry i cant answer me phone but i'm having nightmares and cant sleep"

Jose Mourinho: "This is the Special One, I can't answer your call, because I am still looking at the video of the barcelona game to see him talking to the referee. Its not my fault that it wasn't a goal, but I think he needs to see a doctor, because sometimes this happens in football, but they deserved their goal, but the better team lost, but I think the referee isn't a good one, but my team is playing very good football, but I need to buy more players, but I.." tape runs out.

Ashley Cole- Hey this is Ash, if you want to tap me up press 1...

Peter crouch: please shout a message and never call me again as im straining my back leaning all the way down to pick the phone up.

R Abramovich- "Hello this is Romanski. If you are a manager from another Premiershipski Teamski and want to make a bid for a player, please leave the name after the beepski- I will gladly take heem away from your thughts"

Becks "..If that's NASA ? Did the guys on the Space Shuttle ,you know, manage to ,errr well you know, get that ball back from the penalty I took against , you know err, Portugal last year.."

David James: I'm not fully prepared to answer the phone just now....leave a message...

David James: I am..oops (phone drops) sorry I can't take ..oops (phone drops) your call right..oops (phone drops)now please leave a..shit what the hell is wrong with my hands (phone drops)

Alex Ferguson: This is Alex. I'm in the middle of shaving Wayne's back so leave a message after beep.

John Obi MIkel- "Hey if this is Chelsea, please come and take me away from this club, I dont wanna play for Man Utd, please, please I'M BEGGING YOU!!! If this is Man Utd, this is not me its the Kidnappers speaking"

roy keane: leave a message after the tone. unless thats you viera remember keano s going to get you you can run but can 't hide.

David Weir: Sorry i can't get to the phone my zimmer frame has had its wheels removed.

Rio F: Soz i can't answer your call, i'm hiding from the drug squad at the mo, put leave and order and i'll get back to you

C Ronaldo: Leave and message and when i stop acting like a ponse i'll get back to you.

David Beckham: Umm hi can i speak to Gary please?.....Hello? (Beeeeeeep)

Freddie Ljungberg: "sorry i can´t pick up the phone now. i suffer a "massive migraine" again!"

Robin Van Persie - Hi I'm out at the moment. I'll call you when I get out.

Rio Ferdinand: I just forgot to pick up the phone, honest!

BECKHAM - VICTORIA, WHATS UP WITH MY ALARM CLOCK?

berkamp(in the style of Mr T? - i ant gettin on no plane! beep!

Liverpool FC: "Sorry we can't take you call at the moment but we're locked out of our ground. But it's ok someone always lets us in through the back door. Leave a message after the 'cheat'"

Mourinho: "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. I'm waiting for the phone to come to me."

Ferguson "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, until I've finished trying to wind it up. If I come over now, the phone will have a psychological advantage."

Wenger: "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now.
Anyone could pick up a phone...what's good about that?"

Hola, ju have rich real madrid fubol club, if ju ar anoder estraiker, leev a mesage, if yu a defender, we don need ju, we only plai wid ten estraikers, gracias.

Boj jour, yo have reach arsene venger, im not ear right now because i'm at neverland vith michael jackson having a parrty, but if you arr little boy, leave a meesege after di tone

Helo, you have reached john terry, cant come to the phone right now cause i'm busy putting premiership strikers into my pocket, please leave a message after the tone

Helo, you've reached liverfluke football club, we would answer the phone, but somebody nicked, if you have a nice bin full of treats, please leave a message and your address, we'll get back to you

helou, you have reashed van pershie, i'm dutch, ishn't that vierd? I'm not home at the moment, please call rotterdam prison and tell the to pash you up to cell 33B in the perverts secshion

hola, you have reached ronaldo, please leave a...thump!, tripped by the phone wire, penalty!!

David Beckham-"This damn thing isn't working...

Jose M: Sorry i can't come to the phone right now i'm in a meeting, Not with ashley cole! No thats not him in the back ground! Go away.

John Terry: Sorry i'm not taking calls at the moment cause i'm, still upset of being knocked out of the semi final in the champions league, and i can't deal with this stress.

David James: Sorry i'm out naked trying to catch a cold!

David James: Sorry i'm out, if thats Sven i'm not following you it must be a lookalike, have you changed your mind about the selection.

C Ronaldo: Sorry i can't reach the phone i've been tackled by the phone wire

ai, you've reached rooney, i'm out doing some f'king charity work at the f'king old people's home, leave a message, if you're old

"Hello this is Ricardo Carvalho, I am having my head examined at the moment, any urgent messages please contact my IQ consultant, Jose Mourinho."

wenger-"if this is an offer for the france nation team job or a voucher for buy 1 get 1 free on french players make sure you leave a message."

"Hi, this is Ronaldo. I know this is Michael Owen's phone, but I'm first choice to answer it..."

Thierry Henry: "Hey Bobby, whats French for f*** off and stop ringing me?"

Luis Grcia & Mori- Hola senors u hav reached luis and Nandos' hairdressing salon . if u r nancy del'olio sven is in the back getting a short back and side with faria alam in the back storage, if ur rafa benitez luis and fernando are not going to melwood c u there in a couole of days, if ur a one of the neville sisters go to some other haidressers u bring the class of this salon down muchos gracias

Michael Owen:
"Hello. You have reached the phone of Michael Owen. I'm not in at the moment probably because i've read the on-screen number showing that this is a call from Alan Shearer and i am trying to avoid the issue. If it is any Newcastle fans i would just like to go back on my previous statement and say that i am close to agreeing a deal with your club and have only just brought a property near Lime Street Station which in turn is only a matter of hours away from St James's Park by train. Thank you."

arsene wenger "hi u 'ave reached my answer err machine,im sorry i can not get to za phone right now,i er ddnt cee dat"

Van Nistelrooy:Hi this is Ruud , i cant take your call right now i have to pop to the stables.

"Hi, this is Chelsea FC. I'm afraid no-one can come to the phone at the moment because we are too busy leanring how to play like Wimbledon. Please leave a message after the beep."

"You're through to the staff office of the English FA. We can't get to the phone now as we're answering our early morning Alam call"
hi, this is sven. If this is david james...i'm not home

Any Ref: What did you just say to me? That's a RED CARD, pal ... unless you're from Chelsea or Arsenal.

Steve Finnan: Hi, you've reached me on my car phone. Please leave a mess.............Did you feel a bump?

Graeme Le Saux: Alright Ducky. If you give me a ring I'll give you one.... Ooo Pardon!

Rafa: Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Djibril are out for a drink right now, because he is staying.....unless we recieve an offer for him....in which case he's going....no wait he's going to stay.........except think of all the offers we'll get after the Super cup....................... Even though he is staying........Maybe.

Stevie G: Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. I don't feel it appreciates me enough as both a player and a person.

Alex Ferguson: Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. I'm in casualty having finally choked on that damn gum I'm always chewing which, incidently,is the same piece recycled over and over again!

Laviathan · Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:37 pm Post subject:

Damn, the list is almost endless!

If you get to the end of the line, leave a message after the beep, and I'll make you wait till God's Kingdom Comes. (I'll be reading the quotes, see...)