The Blabberwocky

ArindamDutta · Off the Mark! Joined: 24 Jul 2008 Posts: 6

IT’S ANARCHY BUT IT’S REFRESHING
In a world of back pages saturated with “The important thing is winning ; the goal was just a bonus” &
“the gaffer knows what’s best for a team so I’m happy if I can make a difference coming of the bench”.
This post provides a refreshing whiff of anarchy & political incorrectness. As Euro 2008 heads into its climactic phase , we are in fine form.
Can there be a major international competition without England, or at least a tongue-in-cheek reference to its superstars ? Our correspondent talks to an ardent English fan, Joe Brown comments: “I’ve been scouring the net and TV for England’s games in Euro 2008 but I can’t seem to find them? I can see Switzerland & Austria but I can’t see which group England are in! I want to see the great superstars like Wayne Rooney, Frank Lumpard (sic) & Stevie Gerrard sweep all before them like I’ve been hearing in the media”.
Now that Scolari is coming to Stamford Bridge what tactics would he use? Well the same he used for Portugal to beat Turkey, combining the tactics of dog -fighting & punch- the-inflatable-toy-that-keeps-bouncing -back. The best way to deflate an energetic , fiery underdog is to hit it with a swift stomach punch in the opening stages”. However the way Portugal fell in the QF’s the tactics remain under scrutiny but Big Phil remains upbeat.
The French crashed out in the group stages & they seemed a tad short of oomph ever since their 0-0 draw against Romania . That fixture seemed to sum up their entire tournament and left their fans posing existential multiple choice questions to unsuspecting passers-by. A sample “Romania-France highlights” are : A. available online B. the ultimate cure for insomnia C. an oxymoron D. all of the above.”
Ruud Van Nistlerooy is usually on the edge of the high board , resplendent in his orange speedos, when defenders get too close. When he remains vertical after catching the lunging Gigi Buffon with his trailing foot , therefore bewildered viewers are left pondering “who drained the pool?” Some even wonder if he’s given up the double backflips forever however a bigwig in the KNVB has rushed to clarify that there is no truth in the rumours of the Dutch striker’s participation in the Men’s10m platform at the Beijing Olympics . However the way the Dutch crashed out he may actually be thinking about that.
Meanwhile a certain group of Italian fans sympathize with Gigi Buffon over his lack of communication with Materazzi . An Italy fan who thinks himself to be Johnny Depp says “kind of hard to communicate with Marco though . Guy still talks in grunts & snorts from the days of Homo Ergaster. Rumor has it that the walls at his Milan house are covered in cave drawings.”
David Villa was sensational throughout the tournament but have you seen closely the celebration that followed after his first goal against Russia. Here it goes : When Villa’s strike found the netting he went immediately towards Torres & hugged him like it was getting out of style. Not to get too graphic but they were writhing around the wet turf, locked in each other’s embrace like a new-born South-American monkey clinging to its mother in a tree canopy. Imagine the marsupial metaphors if someone named Joey scores a goal for the Australians, on second thought don’t.
And finally having seen the Swiss concede a Turkish winner late into injury time we have to observe dispassionately. The Swiss have a triangle of invention -Toblerone, cuckoo clocks and the Swiss Army knife. The latter is not designed to slit an enemy’s throat in the bazaar , by contrast it is designed to help mankind open a can of beans on a camping trip. The Swiss are helpful, you can hide your stash in a vault with no questions asked , & make a mockery of doom by having the notches of the passing hours sound like a cuckoo . But none of them helps in winning soccer games.
That requires a knife used to slit throats in a bazaar , and then again you have the Swiss defence which like their cheese is full of holes.